I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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