I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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