"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
