We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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