I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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