rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
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Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
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I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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