I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
