I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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