a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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