I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
