im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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