i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
