like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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