I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
