i already hear my dad disowning me
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
