how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
