I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
be right there i have to get my cape
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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