Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
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You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
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I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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