Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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