Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
