Michael Bay diarrhea
I am full of burrito and curiosity
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
