So drunk its hurt
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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