yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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