apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
