Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
