Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
