He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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