We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
