The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This is the high leading the old right now
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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