she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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