I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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