Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
