forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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