youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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