I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
