hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
