I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize