You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
