god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Sorry about my life...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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