im about as happy as oj after his trial
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
