I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
