I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
