this beer tastes like vomit already
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
