We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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