I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
