I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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