Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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