i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
