i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
