I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
