Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
