The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?