I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
