bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.