dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.