I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
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I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
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No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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