FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize