I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
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As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
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I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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