oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
