did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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