There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
