I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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