In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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