1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
