Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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