We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
