you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
