grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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