In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
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Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
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i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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