he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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