Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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