I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
dude. I can hear the air.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize