i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
