I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
