i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so let's talk penis.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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