im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
