wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
