Jerry, you need to find god
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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